Tuesday, July 21, 2009

My Magnificent New York Karaoke Concert

So this one time last April I was in New York with two fellow rockstars. We were hanging out in swanky lounges and the like, brushing elbows with famous people and casually giving ridiculously large tips to the waitstaff. We laughed at the pettiness of everyone else around us and were just about to call it a night and head back to the apartment to freebase some botox, when I heard four magic syllables float through on a warm breeze...


A FIRE grew inside my chest as my heart swelled and my vocal chords filled with vitality. KARAOKE was about to begin and once heard, this siren's song of a word was not easily resisted. I ran to the street, stood in front of a cab to stop it, then pulled the current passengers out so that my friends could enter and we could begin the magic.

We arrived at SING SING KARAOKE and were quickly ushered into a private room. Many audience members have passed out and/or died during my past karaoke performances, due to heart conditions, brain conditions, pregnancy, alcohol consumption and/or illegal drugs, exposure to sonic frequencies outside the normal spectrum of human hearing, etc. I am many things, but I am not a doctor, so it's not my place to speculate on the fate of these souls. Needless to say, I respect the staff of SING SING for allowing us to occupy a private room and can with some confidence say that it allowed the few patrons who did find their way into the room a distinctly more intimate performance.

The setlist of the performance is listed below:

1. Starman - David Bowie
2. Thong Song - Sisqo
3. Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond
4-?. A medley which may have contained, among other things: Tom Jones, Sir Mix-A-Lot, Britney Spears, N*Sync, or some other unconscionable mix of pop songs. The air had begun to thicken and bend light in odd ways and I can safely say that nobody present fully remembers this part of the evening.
? (Encore). Carolina in My Mind - James Taylor

We were asked to leave by a waiter, but it was at that exact moment that my ego burst out of my chest and ran rampant through the streets of New York like Godzilla, toppling buildings and stepping carelessly on innocents and taxicabs, crushing all that stood in its path.

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